The Portrait of a N.A.M. as a Young Man

A child is born every three seconds. Most of these children are worthless and will never amount to anything. But before you get depressed, every several years, a child is born that is destined to be a N.A.M. This is one of those children:

Video: A 5-year-old N.A.M. in action
Print: A N.A.M. from Davy Crockett's Loins

Special Announcement Re Lack of Hills Analysis

It turns out Bob Green's getting of the N.A.M. was worse than originally expected. He's checked into the renowned Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital and is under the care of expert physician Gregory House, M.D. X-rays came back negative, but it appears Bob Green's getting was most acute in the forearm and pelvic regions of the N.A.M. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

Special Announcement: Hills Analysis Tonight

That's right, the N.A.M. will be providing fans from around the world his insight and analysis into the ongoing drama of The Hills tonight at approximately 10pm LC time. The N.A.M. is aware of how amazing the live blog was last week and wishes he could achieve LiveBlog nirvana with fellow Hills fans tonight as well. However, the N.A.M., like many others, is currently getting got by Bob Green. But don't worry, Bob Green's temporary getting will only force the N.A.M. to provide even more extensive coverage of topics such as Brody's current N.A.M. level, lip ring guy and Audrina, and Spencer's stupid face. Stay tuned.
Also, did Whitney just outright refuse her Mystic Tan in this picture? Thoughts appreciated.