Special Announcement . . . Live Report from the Baseball Winter Meetings in Nashville
The N.A.M. team is proud to announce that the N.A.M. blog has dispatched the Special Assignment Correspondent (the "SAC"), Bilbo, to Nashville, TN to bring a live report from Major League Baseball's winter meetings. Bilbo has just left Ithaca for Nashville via steamboat. He should arrive in several days and will file his report then. Godspeed Biblo! Stay tuned. . .
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12 comments:
i submit that the NBA is an NAMlier professional sports league than major league baseball. NAMs get bored with the slow pace and lack of cheerleaders in baseball.
Bill Walton:
Erroneous.
The Steamboat Captain swears Santana is going for a package that includes Dick Pole, Rusty Kuntz, Mordecai "Three Finger" Brown,and Oil Can Boyd. This is either the hottest of stove, or a moonshine-induced kink parade that has reached Weiss proportions. Bilbo out.
Dear Nam Brothers,
What is the NAMliest sandwich one can order at CTB? I ordered a Euro today (without any forethought) and am worried I've set myself back in my Namtraining at least a couple weeeks.
Please help.
Dear "In Need",
You have clearly not yet reached a higher level of NAMness, as true NAMs avoid CTB like the plague. Its less than friendly service, exorbitant prices, and emphasis on vegetables and other such healthy foods all make it an unwelcoming place for a NAM. No NAM is perfect, however, and CTB's convenience makes an attractive stop for a quick snack. If you must indulge your snacking urges, stay away from any sandwiches that involve hummus, avocados, or sprouts. Keep fighting the good fight, NAMness is a journey.
Buster Olney is reporting to me via smoke signal that Joe Mauer and Joe Nathan have just been traded from the Twins to the Chippendales at the Rio for "Julius," "Big Poppa Pain," "Dynamo Dick," and a dancer to be named later. Deal is pending the Joes completing a wardrobe and toe touch exam.
"Two if by Bilbo" only wished he knew what a "moonshine-induced kink parade" entailed. Maybe one day, if he continues to work to reach NAM status, he will be privy to said "kink parade." From his comments, however, it seems as if the day Bilbo participates in a "kink parade" is not in the foreseeable future.
SAC, rumor has it you were spotted at the breakfast buffet, engaged in some kind of head-to-head eating contest with CC Sabathia. Is there any truth to this? If so, who won?
The rumor is partially true. CC did approach myself and the Steamboat Captain (Cap'n Ron) while we made a stop at a riverboat casino at the Ohio-Kentucky line. Apparently, DIRC has spread the tale of my legendary wing-eating competition victory all throughout the greater Cleveland area. CC considers himself the greatest eater in the Midwest, and challenged me to a Fritata eating contest. After telling him that "breakfast is the double A of eating," he became enraged and flipped over the customizable omelette bar. Amidst a flurry of prosciutto and tiny peppers, I was able to clam him down by agreeing to a Philly Chicken Eat-off at a neutral site. I begin training upon my return.
two if by bilbo,
I just got a phone call from the Memphis Port Authority Police regarding your mistaken kidnapping of a Samoan mail order bride. Please leave the coastal area and get to solid ground ASAP.
two if by bilbo,
i heard another vicious rumor that the mets hired here-to-fore unknown and gainfully unemployed tom nissen to be ramon castro's speed coach...please tell me there is no truth in that?
Mr. Met,
You've got it backwards. Tom Nissen, through his connection at General Electic, has hired Ramon Castro as HIS speed coach. This comes on the heels of two embarrassing defeats to me in footraces, as well as a straight torching for a TD at the Thanksgiving touch football game.
It is believed that Sid Bream was Nissen's first choice, but is unavailable due to an undisclosed groin injury suffered while watching the 1992 NLCS on ESPN Classic.
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