The N.A.M.'s Guide to Womens (Vol. I)

While the life of a N.A.M. may seem like a solitary one—eschewing popular pursuits for the familiar comforts of flannel and frolf; oftentimes, a N.A.M. needs a companion. A N.A.M.’s N.A.W. is a position that is envied by many, and attained by few. How does a N.A.M. go about finding a N.A.W., you ask?

First, upon going out to his favorite watering hole or frolf course, the N.A.M. must decide what kind of N.A.W. he plans on pursuing that evening. If the N.A.M. is more interested in a sexy, flannel-fueled tryst, he can rely on his quiver filled with magic tricks.

To find a more relationship-oriented N.A.W., however, a N.A.M. would be foolish to rely solely on his extensive collection of visual illusions. After the N.A.M. has shined his boat shoes until they would sparkle in even the darkest corners of the Palms, the N.A.M. should don his finest flannel. Properly attired, the N.A.M. is now ready to pursue the fairest maidens around.

Once at the saloon, the N.A.M. should proceed to the jukebox to fill the room with the crunchiest of tunes. As the beautiful notes of a mountain jam waft through the bar, the womens, once aimless, begin to fall under the spell of the N.A.M. Once the N.A.M. has spotted his potential N.A.W., he should draw near, so that the intoxicating scent of Brut can overtake her. As the maiden's senses are overwhelmed by the crunchy tunes, bright flannel patterns, and manly cologne, she will be reeling, subconsciously begging for a proposal.

At this point, the N.A.M. will allow the lady to purchase him a drink, preferably a Pabst Blue Ribbon or a Busch Light. Whenever the N.A.M. has drank his fill, he should return with his beautiful prize to his NAMly lair. There, to the soothing sounds of Jerry's guitar, it is all but a foregone conclusion that the NAM cave will become a gateway to exotic bodies in motion.